Closer to Clarity

The older I get the easier it is for me to realize what is good for me and what is not, what is worth my time and what I should just walk away from, what I want and what I don't. For the first time in a long time I feel like I am taking steps towards adulthood, towards the real world, towards real life and something substantial. I know what I want to do and why, I am beginning to better understand who I am. I am letting go of the negative, embracing the positive and living in the moment while still keeping my eye on the future and remembering the lessons learned from the past. I am filled with happiness and open to any and all experiences that life has in store for me. I am beginning to do what makes me happy without worrying too much about other people. I am in a good place, surrounded and supported by people who make me smile. I'll admit that at times I overanalyze, over think and get all worked up for no good reason but 2011 feels better than any other year has ever felt and it has just begun. I am closer to clarity, Nirvana and all that good shit :)

Don't Forget Me

One of my favorite songs by my favorite band and this version is so beautiful. Every time I go home I pull out this DVD and watch it in the dark by myself, its the perfect way to wind down. The lyrics are below, read them, they are beautiful.

I'm an ocean in your bedroom
Make you feel warm
Make you wanna re-assume
Now we know it all for sure

I'm a dance hall dirty breakbeat
Make the snow fall up from underneath your feet
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

I'm a meth lab first rehab
Take it all off
And step inside the running cab
There's a love that knows the way

I'm the rainbow in your jail cell
All the memories of everything you've ever smelled
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

(Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend)
Ooooh...
Don't forget me I can't hide it
Come again get me excited

I'm an inbred and a pothead
Two legs that you spread
Inside the tool shed
Now we know it all for sure

I could show you
To the free field overcome and more will always be revealed
Not alone I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

(Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend)
Oooh...
Don't forget me I can't hide it
Come again make me excited

Ooooh...
(Sideways falling
More will be revealed my friend)
Don't forget me I can't hide it
There's a match now let me light it

I'm the bloodstain
On your shirt sleeve
Coming down and more are coming to believe
Now we know it all for sure

Make the hair stand
Up on your arm
Teach you how to dance
Inside the funny farm
Not alone, I'll be there
Tell me when you want to go

I'll be there and tell me when you want to go
Come on then and tell me when you want to go
More will be revealed my friend

Louis Vuitton Fall/Winter 2010

I love Louis Vuitton's Fall/Winter line so much! The skirts rock my socks, even the accessories are bomb! I normally try to stay away from Louis because of its hood cult following but you can't help but love this ish! I'm still not going to get a monogrammed bag tho.

The Alternate Yogi Bear Ending from Beth Schacter on Vimeo.


I really love this song it stirs up so much emotion for me, I don't even know why lol. I'm blaming the song for making me kinda tear up cause crying over cartoon bears is just ridiculous! (I stole this from www.iamdonald.com check it out!)

Embrace the Fall

Beyonce fell and we all still love her!

So I know I haven't wrote (or written?) anything in forever but I'm trying to graduate and these papers don't write themselves! Anyway I just wrote some ish on twitter that sounded real good. Why do I always write the best stuff when I am supposed to be writing papers? Any way doh *Kat Sacks Voice* here it goes!

Life is a slippery slope, it only takes one misstep, one little trip on a pebble and you are no longer climbing up but rapidly sliding down. But maybe what is at the top is an illusion, maybe the oasis is really at the bottom. I'm hoping that this misstep is leading me to my oasis and not to the bitter cold that is the night desert.

..and then my friend told me that I sound real depressed lol but I assure you my words are more emo than I really am and I often go into short phases of dramaticalness (yes its a word) that I quickly hop out of, sometimes with assistance.

But honestly sometimes I feel like I am working so hard to better myself to be strong and independent and to establish my self worth and all that jazz, but what if all this work that I'm putting in is only leading me to false happiness, what if what I really need to do is just let go of all the bullshit, lay it all out on the table, and reveal my weaknesses. Its something that I have always struggled with because it is difficult for me to let my guard completely down and it has been increasingly difficult with age. But I think being an adult means that you are able to show your faults and your weaknesses, to trip and fall down the mountain and be okay with it. Maybe thats when you find your true happiness, perhaps the joy is not at the top but it was waiting for you at the bottom all along.

And while I can say this here it is something that I am still struggling with, but I don't have time to deal with it today because I have to write a paper so I can graduate! (20days and counting!). However, I hope that one day soon I can embrace the fall and find my true joy...come fall with me :)

Uncharted Territory

I'm sure this is how I'll feel inside

Tomorrow for the first time ever in my life I will have a non Black/Dominican person do my hair. I am nervous as hell to have someone with straight, limp, shiny hair touch my beautifully kinky, strong as my African roots, mane. I am praying to Baby Jesus, God, Allah, Dios, Jehova, The Holy Spirt, the Universe and all of my ancestors that I don't come out of there looking like a hot ass mess! Why am I even venturing into the murky Caucasian abyss to get my hair done? Well because they are the only ones that I have found in Berkeley that do the Simply Smooth Brazilian Keratin Treatment with out breaking my bank (it is truly amazing and has kept my hair healthy and strong ask me about it!). Maybe some people don't understand my fears, everyone goes to cosmetology school right? Yeah, but they don't all go to the same school or learn the same things and since Black people are only about 12% of the population I don't think that many schools focus too much on the wonderful complexity that is black hair. Soo everyone wish me luck as I venture into the uncharted territory that is the white hair salon! an Update/review will come tomorrow...

*UPDATE* ummm apparently this particular white man cannot press hair and I am a little suspicious about the Keratin treatment too.....I won't be going back! If I need my hair done I will fly to Atlanta and have the Dominicans do it.

I Am Not An Individual

its all for them

Its been damn near forever since I've written a post, school and work has really been taking up A LOT of my time! But I am gonna try to do better....

This post was inspired by a discussion that I had in Prof. Ogutu's Urban Sociology class. We were talking about the difference between society in Africa and in other parts of the Global South ( Asia, Latin America, Middle East) and Western countries (Europe and America) and I realized that I am less American than I would like to think. In America the predominant (white) culture is very individualistic. At 18 you are a grown adult who can make your own decisions with consequences that only effect you. Americans pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and go out into the world making their own path based upon their wants and needs. Americans are individuals with individual successes and accomplishments.

I personally think that this is no way to live. In class my professor said something that really struck me, he said, "Americans live as individuals Africans are not individuals we are family and community units." When I do something or don't do something I don't only think about the consequences that will effect me but my family and community as well. I don't think that I have ever made a big decision with out consulting my mom or aunt, and I ask them about many of the little decisions too. I would never ever consider living somewhere for a long period of time if I didn't know anyone because I prefer to live in areas where I will be close to my family. My mom will always keep a room in the house for me until I get married and I would never, ever consider putting my parents in a nursing home. In every thing that I do and every decision that I make I consider my family and my community.

I was brought up to believe that everything that I do in the public eye reflects my family and my community. One bad apple ruins the whole cart and I will not be that bad apple. I believe that this prevalence of so called Global South culture is what makes people of color so resilient and loving. Making my community happy and my family happy makes me happy and I believe that it makes the world a better place.  I don't want to be a grown woman who makes all of her own decisions by her self, I want to be a strong family unit who relies on the knowledge of others and who considers everyone that may be affected by the decisions made.