The opposite of the past, the time after the present

Since my time in undergrad is coming to an end I've been thinking a lot about the future. For one I'm moving to Atlanta, and its my decision. If you had told me that 7 years ago I would have laughed in your face and called you a crazy person. At that point in my life I just knew that I would end up in my beloved Cali and stay there for my entire life. But so much has happened since then and the experiences that I've had over these past 7 years have changed me almost completely; and I think that they have changed me for the better.

One thing that hasn't changed so much is my need to be in control and to have a clear view of the future. Right now I feel so much in the dark. Ever since I accomplished my first big goal, going to UC Berkeley, I have felt as though my future is undetermined. To some that feeling is a good one, but for me its scary and it has taken me about four years to feel semi-okay about it. I feel like I no longer have sole control of my future and that there are equal chances that things will go the way I would like them to or in a completely different direction. And the bad part is that I know that I have relinquished some of my power to others, they did not take it from me I gave it away. Normally this is not something that I would do but I know that in order to move on to the next step it is necessary, as my friend Ashly said (she has a blog too http://lovebeasle.blogspot.com/ check it out), "A BA degree means head cook at Taco Bell"

Now my future depends on whether or not I am worthy of admission, whether I am the right fit for them, whether I am what they feel they need. Unfortunately, I am not the only one vying for admission, there are others who have different qualities than I do...and probably a better GPA. Even though I know I am a damn good candidate the competition makes me a tad nervous, and by a tad I mean a lot. I know that its not the end of the world if I don't get my top choice, but I really, really want it. I am sure that I will get admitted somewhere and eventually I will have my JD, and if things don't work out the way I want them to, then it was never meant to be in the first place. I probably should just calm down and go with the flow, I mean I'm not even really ready for the next step,  I don't even have my BA yet! I just can't help but to think of how things could be if everything just went my way.....

So for now I am trying my darndest to just go with the flow, work hard and put my best foot forward. I am looking into other schools and trying to keep an open mind. Whatever my future holds I will accept and embrace it. As corny as it sounds, life is what you make it, and I will make it wonderful!